Close Encounter of the Bird Kind

Ever have one of those days? I’m having one today.

Things started out well enough. I had a couple of meetings this morning, knocked several items off my todo list, and was feeling right proud of my productivity when I decided to take a break and go pick up my mail. That’s when things got weird.

Now I’m sitting at my kitchen table, nursing a headache, and bleeding…from the top of my head.

So how did my productive day turn bad so quickly? I’ll tell you.

When I stepped outside, it was a beautiful, sunny, 75 degree day— pretty much par for the course here in Southern California. The birds were signing and there was a gentle breeze coming from the west. Nice.

I was about halfway down my driveway when something hit me in the head. Something heavy. What the heck was that, I thought, ducking involuntarily and clutching cranium. Did something fall out of a tree? I’ve got plenty of those around, but none hang over this part of my driveway.  Still ducking, I looked around and spotted what I instantly recognized as my attacker disappearing off to my left. 

I felt so betrayed. I’d just been assaulted by “my” hawk! Well, he’s not exactly “mine,” but I kinda think of him that way. He hangs around my property looking all regal, and I admire him. That’s our deal. I also feed him — sort of. I let him have all the rodents, rabbits, and rattlesnakes he can carry off my ranch, and in exchange I get to think of him as “my” hawk. Once in a while I see him flying off with some rodent or another and I thank him for ridding me of another varmint.  

But today, something changed. Maybe he hasn’t been finding enough to eat and was trying to tell me to restock his hunting ground. Or maybe he’s a she, and thought she was defending a nest from “that tall ground dweller”. Or maybe I look like a rabbit in this outfit. Who knows. Whatever the case, I don’t like this new turn in our relationship.

I can hear him outside now, making that stereotypical keening sound Hawks are famous for. Is he mocking me? Telling his avian allies how he, “took it to the man,” and came out on top?

One thing for sure, I’m glad I’m six foot two and over 200 pounds or I’d be have more than a bump on the head to worry about right now. Maybe I should start wearing my motorcycle helmet when I go outside. Wish me luck!

Misleading Customers Can Backfire

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I logged in to my Cox Cable account today intending to add voicemail to my telephone service. I already have their triple play -- tv + internet + phone -- and wanted to leave my old answering machine in the past where it belongs.

I was please to see there was a promotion going on that would reduce the price of the upgrade for a few months, and even more please to see an invitation to "Go Faster with an Internet Speed Upgrade" too. I was ready to upgrade my internet package for a special price of only $5.00 extra per month, and excitedly pressed the happy blue ORDER NOW button, like an obedient consumer.

But my excitement faded when I went to check out and saw that upgrade would be $33.00 more per month AND there would be an additional $75 one time fee. 

Funny how it didn't say any of that before I was ready to check out. I've always had a good experience with Cox, and was surprised by the disconnect. I figured it was just a problem with the website, so I called the toll-free number to speak with someone, fully expecting them to straighten things out.

Ruh-Roh

What I was told was that the $5.00 upgrade doesn't apply to me, since I already have the second-best internet service. That offer is only good for people with slower service than I already have. I was logged in to my account when I got the offer. It seems to me the site should have known what I already had, and not offered me something it couldn't make good on. Or at the very least, there should have been an asterisk next to the offer leading to some fine print saying, "Doesn't apply to the Ultimate service."

What's That Now?

But leaving that aside, I asked what the one time charge was all about. After all, it didn't say anything about that on the page offering me to upgrade. Not even in asterisked fine print. The agent told me that was an error. It should have been $60 not $75. 

Apparently, to get the "Ultimate" internet service, Cox needs to send a technician to your house. Not to install any equipment -- I already have the required DOCSIS 3 modem. No, he has to come out to check the lines and make sure everything is working properly.  

And I have to pay for that? 

Yes, according to Cox. Although it's not necessary for any of the other service changes -- just the one I wanted.

Fool Me Once -- I Trash My Shopping Cart

Feeling like I'd been the victim of a bait and switch, I decided not to upgrade my internet service -- nor my phone service. So Cox missed out on what would have earned them hundreds and hundreds of dollars over the next few years -- I've been a customer since 1994 -- and left a bitter taste in the mouth of a long-time customer all because they chose  not to be up-front with the real charges.

A poor choice for them to have made, in my opinion.

 

Our Audi Driving Experience

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Squeals of protest rose from the tires as she drifted through turn one at Sonoma Raceway, dancing at the outer limits of traction. The 500 HP engine screamed as she powered down the straightaway, pushed firmly against the seat by more force than she’d ever experienced. But she wasn’t worried. Her face betrayed no apprehension as she willed the beast to slow down for the next turn. Instead, she seemed gripped by a heady mixture of concentration and delight with keen focus in her eyes and an ear-to-ear grin on her lips. What could cause this mild mannered corporate executive to carve up the racetrack like a seasoned racer? The mighty Audi R8!

OK, truth be told our pace was a mere trot for the R8, but to us — and to everyone else on track in their own S-Series Audi — we were racetrack superstars.

The Audi Driving Experience

Audi makes high performance cars, and they want their customers — and potential customers — to experience their products as they were intended to be driven. Their solution is to offer the “Audi Driving Experience.” Actually, they offer several programs ranging in length from a half-day, to two full days, so you can pick the one that best suits your needs — and wallet.

While Audi’s cars are brilliant, their command of the web is less impressive. It almost seems like they don’t want people to find out about it. Searching for “audi driving experience” leads to a page that no longer exists, so you’re greeted with a very pretty “page not found” error. Fortunately their page for the Audi Sportscar Experience is still up, so you can read up on it to see if you’re interested.

I was invited to join my friend — the corporate executive-cum-race car driver I talked about at the beginning of this post — for an Audi experience that would have us driving a range of S-series Audi’s in a variety of situations. On the menu that day? The S4, RS5, S6, S7, S8 , TTS, and the king of the S-heap — an R8.

Our  Experience

Our day started by signing in at the reception area where we were served snacks and (non-alcoholic) drinks while we waited for our group’s turn. Then it was off to a brief introductory classroom session where we learned about the company’s history and racing tradition. 

We also got an overview of what was on the agenda for the day. The driving is broken up into three segments, each designed to let you experience a different facet of the Audi performance lineup.

A Leisurely Start

First, we took to the public roads, driving each model in turn over a range of normal driving conditions. There was some stop-and-go traffic, some rough roads that showed off the suspension, and a fun twisty part. 

Autocross Time

Once back at Sonoma Raceway, we were taken to the autocross track. Basically a section of the parking lot with a course laid out in traffic cones. Everybody got one timed run in each of the cars provided — in this case there was an S4 and an RS5. Then, to make things interesting, we each got one final lap in a TTS. The person with the quickest time on their TTS lap wins an extra lap on the big track in the passenger seat of an R8 as one of Audi’s professional drivers puts it through its paces — at speed! Since the TTS is turbo-charged, while the cars we got to practice on were supercharged, our one and only TTS lap was a surprise and a disappointment to most of us. Those twin turbochargers seem to take forever to spool up off the starting line when the clock is running and there’s a prize at stake. Still, once it finally got underway that little TTS was a delight to throw into those tight autocross corners.

The Big Track

Finally it was time for the main attraction. It was our group’s turn on the big track at Sonoma Raceway. We each got one lap in each of the cars. It would be nice if we got more than one lap, because by the time you felt you were getting the hang of that particular model you were driving, it was time to get out and start over again with a different one. Bummer. 

Before you get too excited, let me tell you that these are not open track sessions. You have to ride each lap in single file behind a lead car driven by an instructor. Yeah, I know. It would be nice to just have at it, but that just wouldn’t be practical. Most of the people in our group had never been on a track before, and some where clearly out of their element. By enforcing their follow-the-leader policy in place, Audi avoids having their expensive toys wadded up all across the track. 

Each of the cars in our experience was an “S” model, meaning it had the upgraded suspension and other goodies that improve performance over the base “A” models. So it wasn’t surprising when each and every one of them was a joy to pilot around the track. 

I loved the way the TTS handled, and thought the RS5 had the best balance between power and handling. But the real standout was, not surprisingly, the R8. When it was my turn at the wheel of Audi’s flagship sports car, I realized the R8 is not in the same league as the others. We weren’t going any faster — I managed to restrain myself and stick to the follow-the-leader rule — but the car made running that pace seem easy. At one point, I even took one hand off the wheel, and drummed my fingers on the dash to show how easy it was to steer, brake, and corner the thing at a pretty respectable clip. Phenomenal. Wish I could afford one.

The Takeaway

All of the cars we drove impressed us. Even the bigger ones, like the S7, acquitted themselves admirably on and off the racetrack. And that’s the point Audi is trying to make with these driving experiences. They want you to come away knowing that new Audi you’ve been eyeing at your local dealership will do a great job no matter what you throw at it. Whether you’re commuting to work, picking up the kids from school, getting groceries, or carving up the canyon roads on the weekend, your Audi is up for it. Based on all the grinning faces we saw at the end of the day, I’d say Audi got their message across.

So, Was it Worthwhile?

 

Another Happy customer in "her" Audi R8

Another Happy customer in "her" Audi R8

Heck yeah! I’d recommend it to anyone who has an Audi and wants to see what it can really do. In a safe place. Without endangering fellow motorists and pedestrians on the public roads. I’d also recommend it to anyone who has never been on a racetrack before. It’s something every driver should experience and the Audi Driving Experience is a safe way to do it.

So check out the options, pick a date and sign up. You won’t regret it.

-Lionel Gibbons

Have been to an Audi Driving Experience yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments.

 

Will Big Data Dehumanize Human Resources?

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Some would argue that the dehumanizing of corporations started when personnel departments took “persons” out of the department name and replaced them with “human resources.” How…industrial. 

The rise of BigData in the enterprise may usher in a new wave of de-personalization as more Human Resource departments move to expand thie analysis of humans. According to this report on High-Impact Talent Analytics from Bersin by Deloitte more than 60% of companies are investing in Big Data and analytics tools for HR. However, most haven’t reached the point where they can use the technology to its fullest potential. Only 4% of companies can do predictive analytics of their workforce, and only 14% have done significant statistical analysis of their employee data. But everyone working on it, so it won’t be long before big employers will manager their big workforces using big data for big profit. 

Am I the only one that thinks this might be a big deal for us little guys? Maybe I worry to much. 

Let me know what you think in the comments.

 

 

First Go Through the Casino...

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By Lionel Gibbons

Ever ask someone for directions at a Las Vegas hotel? They inevitably start with the phrase, “Go through the casino…”  It doesn’t matter whether you’re trying to find the elevators, the restaurant, or a taxi, everything in Vegas is set up so you have to pass through the casino first. After all, casinos are the heart of Vegas.

I was reminded of this arrangement recently while reading the news that Brazil intends to break away from US-centric network connections. This move appears to be the latest consequence of National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden’s revelation that the US Government is listening in to everything we do on the internet.

Washington has given assurances that the surveillance is aimed at foreigners, which did reassure some US citizens. But it also had the unintended consequence of raising fear around the world. It was, after all, a tacit admission that the NSA was indeed listening. 

Some, like Brazil, have decided to keep their data out of the US whenever possible. But given the way the Internet is wired, having your traffic avoid the US may not be so easy. A look at TeleGeography’s submarine cable map shows that most of the connections from Brazil to Europe make a quick stopover on the East coast of the United States before heading across the ocean. 

It will be interesting to see if Brazil is able to reroute enough traffic around the US to accomplish their goals — and how much it will cost them.

I’m not sure they’ll be successful. What do you think?

 

Need Help Severing the Digital Cord?

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By Lionel Gibbons

Sometimes it seems like a new “must join” web site pops up every day. Besides the mainstays of Facebook, Twitter, and Google Plus, there are dozens of social networking sites competing for a slice of our attention. 

If you’re like me, you probably join them all — just to see what they’re all about. After a while, you’re a member of more sites than you can ever hope to patronize with any regularity. You may even be thinking about getting out. Cutting the social-networking cord. But have you actually tried to quit? Not so easy, eh? Many of these sites make the quitting process less than obvious.

Fortunately, the folks at AllThingsD have put together A Handy Guide to Deleting Digital Accounts to help guide the way.

If you’ve decided to unplug from parts of the web-o-sphere, tell me about your experience. How did it go? Did you say out, or were you sucked back in by the allure of being connected?

photo credit: hanspoldoja via photopin cc

What Ever Happened to the Passing Lane?

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By Lionel Gibbons

Do you remember when there was a special lane on the highway reserved for passing? Ahh, the good old days.

I may be dating myself, but it seems to me that when I first piloted my Dad’s humongous Buick Le Sabre onto the highway as a teenager, there was some rule about keeping that left-most lane clear for people running late for their appointments. I remember my Dad teaching me that when I was in the “passing lane,” I could move over if someone came up behind me — no matter how fast I was going. Why? “Courtesy. That’s just the way things should be done,” he said. Today, I often find myself in the position of that guy in a hurry, but rarely — if ever — does anybody move over for me. The last time I got stuck behind someone using the fast lane to go slow, I began to wonder if I was missing something. Had the rules changed? I decided to look it up.

What does the law say?

According to the United States Uniform Vehicle Code:

“Upon all roadways any vehicle proceeding at less than the normal speed of traffic at the time and place and under the conditions then existing shall be driven in the right-hand lane then available for traffic …”

OK, so I’m not imagining things. People are supposed to move over when I come up behind them in the passing lane. I’m not the only one noticing the problem, either, as these sites dedicated to correcting — or just complaining about — the problem attest.

What is considered proper use varies from place to place, and some states are stepping up to the challenge of keeping things moving along. For example, Florida is considering a new law — House Bill 7125 — that includes a provision that would make it illegal to drive more than 10 mph slower than the posted speed limit in the “fast” lane.

There is hope

Has Road Etiquette Gone the way of the buggy whip? My nostalgia for the road etiquette of days gone by may be just that — nostalgia. But there may be hope. Perhaps if more of us followed the guidelines laid out in this article in “The Art of Manliness” blog, the art of good driving could make a comeback.

Share your pain

Tell me about your passing lane peccadillo in the comments. How did you handle it? In the meantime, I’ll work on heeding the advice of Eddie Cantor, who once said,

“Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going to fast — you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”

Ommmmmmm.


photo credit: Diana Lee Photography via photopin cc