Close Encounter of the Bird Kind

Ever have one of those days? I’m having one today.

Things started out well enough. I had a couple of meetings this morning, knocked several items off my todo list, and was feeling right proud of my productivity when I decided to take a break and go pick up my mail. That’s when things got weird.

Now I’m sitting at my kitchen table, nursing a headache, and bleeding…from the top of my head.

So how did my productive day turn bad so quickly? I’ll tell you.

When I stepped outside, it was a beautiful, sunny, 75 degree day— pretty much par for the course here in Southern California. The birds were signing and there was a gentle breeze coming from the west. Nice.

I was about halfway down my driveway when something hit me in the head. Something heavy. What the heck was that, I thought, ducking involuntarily and clutching cranium. Did something fall out of a tree? I’ve got plenty of those around, but none hang over this part of my driveway.  Still ducking, I looked around and spotted what I instantly recognized as my attacker disappearing off to my left. 

I felt so betrayed. I’d just been assaulted by “my” hawk! Well, he’s not exactly “mine,” but I kinda think of him that way. He hangs around my property looking all regal, and I admire him. That’s our deal. I also feed him — sort of. I let him have all the rodents, rabbits, and rattlesnakes he can carry off my ranch, and in exchange I get to think of him as “my” hawk. Once in a while I see him flying off with some rodent or another and I thank him for ridding me of another varmint.  

But today, something changed. Maybe he hasn’t been finding enough to eat and was trying to tell me to restock his hunting ground. Or maybe he’s a she, and thought she was defending a nest from “that tall ground dweller”. Or maybe I look like a rabbit in this outfit. Who knows. Whatever the case, I don’t like this new turn in our relationship.

I can hear him outside now, making that stereotypical keening sound Hawks are famous for. Is he mocking me? Telling his avian allies how he, “took it to the man,” and came out on top?

One thing for sure, I’m glad I’m six foot two and over 200 pounds or I’d be have more than a bump on the head to worry about right now. Maybe I should start wearing my motorcycle helmet when I go outside. Wish me luck!